I’m starting to get the idea that I’m not as independent as was once believed. I feel like everything is falling apart. I missed every class today due to lack of sleep last night. I don’t sleep. I was supposed to wake up at 6am but as soon as the alarm went off my subconscious decided it would be best to completely screw me over, just one more time. I’m worried this is going to become a pattern.
To everyone else out there, all these other enthusiastic bloggers who are just loving college, I give you kudos. I don’t know what it was you did that I didn’t, but know that I’m jealous. I haven’t made any friends, gone to any parties, or done anything remarkably fun since I’ve arrived here. I’m not asking for sympathy, pity, or advice in saying this. Maybe I’m just venting.
I’m not even a ranger anymore. I’m off the special team. It has nothing to do with my physical stamina or my mental prowess, as I asked to be taken off. I just couldn’t cope with 5am anymore. It wears on a body.
I never thought I would see the day that I missed the structure of High School. I miss having someone help wake me up, consecutive classes, everyone involved in my business, or any of the other crutches in the system that I hated so. It’s ironic how all I wanted was this freedom, and now I hate it. I have nothing to strive for anymore. I’ve forsaken my Major for nothing, I have no idea what I want anymore, which causes me to ask one question: Why am I here?
Maybe I’m being melodramatic, or maybe this is what I deserve. I haven’t decided yet. I need a light in my life, something to motivate me, something for me to look forward to, but there’s nothing. Maybe its just my mood as of now but this feels like one of the darkest times of my life.
We’ll see.
Dont let all of that bring you down. Just keep trying and I’m sure you will figure it out. In my blog I know that I tell people about all the fun stuff cause that is what I would rather talk about. I have some of the same feelings on what your talking about but im trying to move past that just because I want to and not for anyone else. Maybe thats what you should start doing. Go to class because you want to not because you feel like you should. And dont stress about the rest, adjusting to college is a huge step and it takes time for everyone, some longer than others, im still having a tough time making friends and im pretty lonely a lot but i make an effort to be more social so i wont feel that way anymore. Just keep trying and I am sure things will work out.
and as far as a major thats tough for everyone. I used to think I always had it figure out but now i have no clue! Im the aspiring veterinarian and yet I think im going to major in psychology, maybe, havnt figured it out yet. well maybe ill see ya when im in town for fall break. dont let your self get too sleep deprived.
You are not alone. Many students have a difficult time the first semester or year of college. It is a major life change, so don’t be too hard on yourself! Talk about it. Blog about it (I’m glad you did, it took real strength to talk about this). Call on your friends, they want to help. Try to find activities to get involved in; try to find interests on campus. Keep us posted! We are here for you!